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BECOMING A NEW PERSON Twelve Steps to Christian Growth Philip St. Romain Full version eBook available for immediate download. - $3.50 USD Best deal: part of eBookstore. Free - pdf "lite" version now available. - Full text, but read-only - Great for computer / PDA viewing - Printing disabled - Copy/paste disabled These features are enabled in the full version, which is also formated to 8.5 X 11 for your printing convenience. Click here to download the "lite" version. - 223 K pdf file. Contents of Preview Version   See also Twelve Steps to Spiritual Wholeness, by Philip St. Romain for another work on this topic. ISBN 0-89243-200-4 Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 83-82855 Copyright © 1984 Philip St. Romain Scripture texts used in this work are taken from the NEW AMERICAN BIBLE, copyright © 1970 by the Confratemity of Christian Doctrine, Washington, D.C., and are used by license of said copyright owner. No part of the NEW AMERICAN BIBLE may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing. All rights reserved. The Twelve Steps (see page 96) reprinted for adaptation with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

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Contents

Introduction

Step 1: We admit that we cannot realize our fullest human potential by living a life of selfishness.

Step 2: We confess that Jesus Christ can lead us to the fullness of life.

Step 3: We decide to turn our lives over to Jesus Christ

Step 4: We make a searching and fearless moral inventory.

Step 5: We admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step 6: We declare ourselves ready to have God remove all our defects of character.

Step 7: We humbly ask God to remove all our shortcomings.

Step 8: We make a list of all persons we have harmed, and determine to make amends to them.

Step 9: We make direct amends to those we have harmed, except when to do so would injure them

Step 10: We continue to take personal inventory, and promptly admit when we are wrong.

Step 11: We seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry it out

Step 12: Spiritually awakened as a result of these Steps, we are determined to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all areas of life.
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

During the past fifty years, millions of people throughout the world have broken free from obsessive-compulsive behaviors by practicing a set of principles that lead to Christian growth, serenity, and joy. Alcoholics, drug addicts, overeaters, and gamblers are among the many different kinds of self-help groups utilizing a Twelve-Step approach to personal and inter personal renewal. Not since Ignatius of Loyola developed his program for the spiritual development of his Jesuits in the sixteenth century has such a comprehensive and systematic approach to Christian growth been embraced by so many.

Twelve-Step programs have been more successful in arresting obsessive-compulsive behaviors than any other re habilitative approach offered to date. Their principles are practical, comprehensible, and seemingly applicable to all. They presuppose no level of intellectual sophistication other than the ability to communicate verbally and, perhaps, a minimal literacy. In addition, they emphasize spiritual renewal without embracing any particular religious denomination and/or set of dogmas. Thus do they bring the healing power of God to many who, for various reasons, have not been able to find such graces within their religious tradition of choice.

Who originated the program?

The formulation of the Twelve-Step program to rehabilitation can be credited to a New York stockbroker and an Akron, Ohio, physician, Bill W. and Dr. Bob, respectively, both cherished as cofounders of Alcoholics Anonymous. They, in turn, often readily acknowledged their indebtedness to the alcoholics with whom they worked as well as a variety of professionals, including philosopher William James, psychiatrist Carl Jung, an Episcopal priest named Sam Shoemaker, and a physician named William D. Silkworth. But the deeper origins of modern self-help programs can be traced to Oxford Groups, a Christian renewal movement popular earlier in this century.

Not to be confused with the Oxford Movement, which was the brainchild of John Henry Newman and other Anglican clergy who followed in his footsteps, Oxford Groups began as a result of the ministry of Frank Buchman. A Lutheran minister who had experienced somewhat of a falling-out with his governing committee in America, Buchman journeyed to England, where he was blessed with a vision of a Christ-led, sin-free world. He began working tirelessly to bring about the realization of this vision, finally converting two Cambridge under graduates and inviting them to assist him in the evangelization of Oxford University. Their success was phenomenal, Oxford becoming a Mecca of sorts for thousands of lay people as well as professional ministers, who all sought a whiff of the spiritual breezes blowing around the exalted center of learning. During the 1920s and 1930s, the movement spread throughout the world, gaining tens of thousands of enthusiasts. A non- denominational venture, Oxford Groups helped many people return to their respective traditions with a better understanding of what is true and essential in Christianity. Its goal- - nothing less than a Christian spiritual renewal of the whole world seemed almost to be within grasp for a while; but, through the war years, the movement began to die away. It is practically impossible to find an active Oxford Group today.

An alcoholic friend of Bill W., named Ebby T., found sobriety through his Oxford Group involvement in August 1934. Ebby T. gave witness of this to Bill W. who, on the verge of death and despair from his own alcoholism, was both encouraged and frustrated with the implications of his story. Somewhat an agnostic, Bill W. could not easily open himself up to the possibility of being healed by God from a malady that was, for all practical purposes, considered untreatable. In December 1934, Bill W. was hospitalized for acute alcoholism. When he heard that Dr. Carl Jung had declared alcoholism incurable except for some kind of spiritual experience, he was distressed; he felt he was incapable of such an experience. But after his attending physician, Dr. William D. Silkworth, counseled him concerning his impending doom, he pleaded for God's touch from the depth of his being. His prayer was answered -- one of those earthshaking, twice-born religious experiences that turns lives upside down. He never drank again.

During the months that followed, Bill W. and Ebby T. worked closely with Oxford Groups in an attempt to help other alcoholics find sobriety. In this venture they were miserable failures, scaring off as many drunks with their confident spiritual enthusiasm as they did Oxford Groupers, who embraced a wider ministry. Growing discouraged, Bill W. journeyed to Akron, Ohio, in May 1935, on a business venture that was to prove financially disastrous. He became tempted almost beyond sanity to get drunk, but decided to call a minister and ask for a list of alcoholics with whom he might speak. Thus hoping to lose himself in a healthy venture, he was led to Dr. Bob, a hopeless addict nearing the terminal stages of his own illness. Bill decided to tone down his religious enthusiasm and discuss instead the futility of trying to self-will oneself out of addiction. While traveling to Dr. Bob's home, he recalled William James' writings concerning the necessity of ego-deflation as a pre requisite to the twice-born experience, inspiring him to try a different approach in witnessing. He discussed with Dr. Bob his own past illness, prompting the physician to take what in effect came to be called his first Step: admission of his powerlessness over alcohol and the unmanageability of his life. The two went on to become cofounders of Alcoholics Anonymous, whose membership now exceeds 1,000,000 in over 80,000 groups meeting worldwide.

Bill W. and Dr. Bob worked closely with Oxford Groups from 1935-1937, when they finally broke away to embrace a narrower scope of ministry to alcoholics only. The Twelve-Step approach to rehabilitation from alcoholism they developed represents a systematization of Oxford Group principles, especially as articulated by Father Sam Shoemaker. The informality of the typical AA meeting was modeled on Oxford Group House Party gatherings, where prayer, study, testimonials, and exuberant fellowship predominated. Oxford Groupers' insistence on the social equality of its members inspired, in part, the AA tradition of anonymity (which was also emphasized be cause of the moral stigma attached to alcoholism). Unlike Oxford Groups, however, they posited a healing Higher Power not necessarily grounded in the person of Jesus Christ. They also de-emphasized pressure tactics and other practices that tended to raise the already rigid ego defenses of their alcoholic members. Through their work, the legacy of Frank Buchman lives on.

Do "healthy" people need this help?

It is a paradox that this --one of the most spiritually potent movements in history -- should be reserved now for the most broken and impotent people in the world. Somehow this seems in keeping with the spirit of Jesus Christ, however. Many who are "healthy" can appreciate the help that people are getting through Twelve-Step programs and can recognize the validity of the renewal Steps. (Most religious traditions emphasize a version of these principles to some degree.) But healthy people hesitate at taking Step I, which must be taken if the other eleven are to be successfully completed. If one is not an alcoholic or an overeater or a gambler, why take Step 1, which invites an acknowledgment of the destructiveness of a personal vice? What if one is not obsessively, compulsively addicted to any particular vice?

Not too long ago --before the "death of God" movements undermined our notions of a God of judgment --most people were imbued with a sense of sin. Ministers leaned heavily on a forensic notion of humanity as criminal before a just God, who demanded repentance and acceptance of his Son as a way back to grace and eternal life. How to turn the minds of "healthy," "guiltless" people toward God has been the ministerial challenge of the 1970s and 1980s. Enter the Gospel to the Guiltless.

The Gospel to the Guiltless has presented Jesus as the one who came not so much to save us from sin as to show us the way to become fully human. The prominence of Jesus' role as Redeemer was de-emphasized, making way for a reverencing of his role as Revealer. Truth replaced sacrifice as the way to spiritual growth; for sin came to be identified more as ignorance than as rebellion. In Twelve-Step language, Steps I and 12 were lopped off, leaving a beautiful set of principles but little potency. In its most perverted form, the Gospel to the Guiltless became the Gospel of Self-Fulfillment, sanctioned by a God who sent his Son "that they might have life and have it to the full" (John 10:10). It is a Gospel minus the Cross.

To say that genuine spiritual renewal is happening today only in Twelve-Step groups would be narrow-minded arrogance, of course. Still, it may be argued that wherever lasting renewal is happening these Twelve Steps are being practiced in some manner. Among religious groups of "healthy" people, our addiction to selfishness can be recognized as our stumbling block to growth. Steps 2-11 never very controversial in the first place, might be seen as positive suggestions for moving away from selfishness toward relationship with God and other people. Step 12 becomes our outreach, challenging us to go beyond the convenient circle of family and friends to extend the Good News of grace to the whole world.

How to use this book

The pages which follow include discussions of and suggestions for utilizing the Twelve Steps of self-help programs as guides to spiritual growth. For Step 1, I have substituted the word selfishness for the words alcohol, food, etc., calling attention to the insidious ways in which selfishness robs us of growth. For all those Steps involving a relationship with a Higher Power, I have developed a Christian notion of what this might mean. Twelve-Step programs presuppose a God who is at least pro-health and pro-growth, both of which are qualities of the Divine, drawing heavily on Judeo-Christian revelation for their support. I am, therefore, hopeful that these Twelve Steps to growth might now be more deeply embraced by those already practicing them in some manner as well as by those who have avoided them because of the stigmas attached to Step 1.

Most Twelve-Step programs encourage Step completion under the direction of a mature group member designated as a sponsor. But there are many variations of moving through the program. In certain treatment settings, for example, Step completion is carefully supervised by counselors, who provide excellent guidebooks for assistance. Outside of formal treat ment settings, many members proceed at their own pace, moving along when they feel they are ready. Group meetings occasionally include special teachings concerning the prac ticing of a Step, for one is never really through working this program.

Because nothing like a Twelve-Step Christians Anonymous program exists today, the individual using this book will have to find his or her own communal context for support in living out these principles. If at all possible, one's first journey through the program ought to be taken in dialogue with another mature Christian. Perhaps this book could be used as the basis for forming a Christian support group; if you cannot locate such a group, then start one yourself. But if you choose to move through the program without the benefit of a spiritual director or a support group, you should at least begin considering who will help you to work through Step 5. Whether working alone or with others, move along at your own pace, completing the Steps in the sequence listed in this book. As long as you are making progress, there is no need for you to rush yourself.

This program works! It has proven itself to be a tool of the Spirit on innumerable occasions. It is not a trendy experiment in Christian spirituality, being grounded instead in the most basic truths of Christian tradition. All that remains is for you to tap the graces that will come to you if you are faithful in practicing these principles.

(Note: Some of the chapters in this book contain a follow-up Personal Reflection and a Group Discussion. But where the contents of the chapter already embody a personal reflection, only a group discussion is presented.)

Christian theology and human experience teach us that the main reason why we do not experience lasting joy on earth is because selfishness often perverts our noblest strivings and motivations. Sin can be described as a force that separates people from God and, hence, from one another. This is what selfishness does to us.

In contrast, a healthy self-love enables us to strike a balance between overestimating and underestimating our talents. Self- love requires a truthful acceptance of ourselves in all our strengths and limitations, and this is the wellspring of love for others. Selfishness deprives us of self-love, however, blinding us to truth and acceptance by keeping us in a state of unhealthy desiring.

Sin came into the world when our first parents decided to use their free will in such a manner as to express an unrelated and rebellious independence. If we are honest, we can identify these same tendencies in ourselves today. "I cannot even understand my own actions," we often say with Saint Paul. "I do not do what I want to do but what I hate," he laments in his Letter to the Romans (7:15). We shall have to strive against these insidious energies within us until we die.

If we allow ourselves to live completely according to the dictates of our lower, selfish nature, we shall become creatures with less dignity than lower animals, who are at least true to their own natures. But human beings are far more than instinctual animals. There is a self in us that longs for beauty, truth, love, justice, and wisdom; and we possess a capacity for consciously realizing these values in our lives. If we do not experience these spiritual qualities in any degree of intensity, it is probably because we are living more on the side of our selfish nature. Saint Paul writes: "It is obvious what proceeds from the flesh: lewd conduct, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, hostilities, bickering, jealousy, outbursts of rage, selfish rivalries, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and the like" (Galatians 5:19-21). Few would consider this to be a portrait of the joy-filled life.

Because selfishness is so manifestly bad for us in the long run, why do so many of us nonetheless fall into its snares? The main reason has to be that there are payoffs in pleasure, esteem, and security --three of the strongest reinforcing emotional states. If selfish behavior could consistently deliver pleasure, esteem, and security, we might not be able to offer an effective critique of the selfish life. The truth is that these feelings are generally short-lived, requiring an ongoing diet of self- indulgence for their sustenance. In the case of pleasure, sensual gratification for selfish ends leads to a diminishment of pleasure in the long run; similarly, that which gives a sense of esteem and security can usually be taken away, undercutting peace of mind and spiritual growth. Shortsightedness is responsible for a great deal of our selfish behavior, but breaking free is not easy.

Most people recognize the folly of living a completely self-indulgent life. Through the centuries, many have proposed moral laws and other codes of conduct to help minimize the clashing of selfish wills in society. Although such laws have been very helpful in generating harmony among people, they still leave the human spirit starved for something more. Staying out of trouble is better than getting into trouble, but it is not enough.

We hunger for so much, yet seem capable of realizing so little. "There is nothing better for man than to eat and drink and provide himself with good things by his labors" (Ecclesiastes 2:24). "Life is suffering," Buddha proclaimed as the first of his Four Noble Truths; and he added that selfish desiring is at the root of our suffering. 'Most people lead lives of quiet desperation," said Thoreau hundreds of years later. Selfishness kills the human spirit, but dare we hope for more from life?

Jesus and the rich young man

In Saint Mark's Gospel (10:17-22). we read the story of a rich young man who had been a faithful Jew all of his life. He had probably heard Jesus teaching on a few occasions and had become impressed by the peaceful joy and strength that emanated from him. One day when Jesus was on a journey, this young man broke through the ranks of disciples and other followers surrounding Jesus and knelt at his feet. 'Good Teacher, what must I do to share in everlasting life?" he asked in earnest, oblivious to the scornful reproach on the faces of Jesus' disciples. Jesus gave him his full attention, however, for he recognized real urgency in the young man's voice. ~No one is good but God alone," he said. "You know the commandments," he added, listing a few honored by people in all cultures. The young man looked up at Jesus somewhat disappointed. "Teacher, I have kept all these since my childhood," he replied. Jesus placed a hand on the young man's head and gazed at him in love, for here was a true son of Abraham. There is one thing more you must do," he challenged. "Go and sell what you have and give to the poor. . . . After that, come and follow me." At this the young man scrambled to his feet and began to back away. Jesus continued to hold out a hand to him, but the young man's expression had hardened.

Why did this young man seek out Jesus in the first place? He had youth, wealth, and a clear conscience. Opportunities for pleasure, power, comfort, and security opened out before him in ways that most people would have envied. Yet. it was not enough for him, and it is to his credit that he recognized his entrapment and sought a way out of his material and psycho logical suffocation. As the cynical philosopher, Schopenhauer, put it, 'life vacillates between suffering and boredom." Most likely our rich young man was bored. 'Is this all there is?" he probably asked himself time and again. Not until he saw Jesus did he hope for a way out of his quiet despair, but when Jesus invited him to become a disciple he balked. Letting go of his attachments was inconceivable to him.

From this episode in the life of Jesus we learn that legalistic observance of the commandments does not bring deep joy. We also see that Jesus has come not only for those who are broken in health and spirit but also for the many who are comfortable and empty. Like the rich young man, however, we must be willing to be honest enough with ourselves to examine our lives to see if we are satisfied or if we yearn for more. Like him, too, we must be willing to bring our yearnings before Jesus. Unlike him, we must respond in obedience to Jesus' invitation to accept God's gifts of grace in our lives.

Human longings

Several questions naturally emerge at this point. Why was our rich young man not entirely content in his situation? How is it that so many people with abundant opportunities to achieve esteem, pleasure, and security so seldom find deep and lasting joy? These are questions that bite at the heart of human nature, provoking the most pointed inquiry of all: What is it that human beings really need?

Through the years there have been many responses to these questions. Various philosophers and psychologists have identified the following to be high on the list of human longings: the esteem of others, sexual fulfillment, assurance of immortality, money and the things money can buy, material security, love and belonging, knowledge, harmony, and self-actualization. Few would deny the relative importance of each of these motivators, but none seems capable of providing an all- encompassing focus worthy of the totality of human nature.

Philosophers speak of human behavior as springing from one of three levels of our nature. They distinguish between body, mind, and spirit. First, we are physical creatures, and sensual gratification is an important and essential motivating factor. After all, without food or drink we would eventually die; and without the use of sex our species would become extinct. The payoff for sensual gratification is pleasure, which reinforces the gratifying behavior. Second, we are psychological beings, capable of using our minds to understand ourselves and our world. Our memory, reason, feeling, and imagination can be placed at the disposal of consciousness to help us make decisions and attain knowledge, love, self-respect, and the esteem of others. When we experience these values we feel well-being, happiness, and security. But there is a third level. We are also spiritual beings, hungering for beauty, freedom, and wisdom--in short, meaning. In our quest for experiences of meaning we utilize our minds and our bodies, but it is in our spiritual faculties that these needs are embraced. When we do perceive ourselves to be meaningful, the consequent peace, joy, and inner confidence illuminate our minds and our bodies.

We were designed to live on a spiritual level, but selfishness keeps us confined to lower levels. People who live for sensual gratification -- good food, drink, sex, etc.-- identify these sources of pleasure as their meaning in life. They ignore the psychological and the spiritual. Similarly, people who make knowledge or power the supreme values in life corrupt their spiritual faculties in the process. Healthy spiritual persons are those whose hunger for meaning embraces truth and love, norming their sense of meaning with humility and community. What is insidious about sin is that we shall automatically regress to a lower level of character if we do not constantly strive to realize meaning in truth and love. If we're not progressing, we're regressing. This is a basic rule in the spiritual life.

The rich young man was a good, intelligent person. He probably had considerable control over his bodily passions, for he was moral and living on at least a psychological level of motivation. He felt empty inside, however, and that is the problem with many of us. We might manage to stay out of trouble, but life still seems dull and meaningless. But if we would leave this world of the living dead, we'd best be prepared to do the kind of thing Jesus asked the rich young man to do: let go of our sources of false security, whatever they may be. We shall not have to struggle on our own power though. The good news is that there is grace aplenty for all who want to become growing, joyful, spiritual human beings.

Change of heart

Those who want to accept Jesus as leader must learn to deny themselves, take up their crosses, and follow in the steps of Jesus (see Mark 8:34). If we want to grow into the fullness of our human potential in Christ, we shall have to turn away from those behaviors and modes of thinking that have kept us selfish. This will mean a change of heart. But in order to turn away from these destructive practices, we must first identify them and see them for what they are. Here are some examples of common self-indulgent behaviors and modes of thinking:

1. Anger: Although it is possible to be angry for a just cause, most of our anger comes from unfulfilled expectations. Upon close and honest examination, these expectations usually turn out to be self-centered. It is safe to assume that, unless we are engaged in a prophetic venture, anger is probably a sign of selfish thinking.

2. Sexual irresponsibility: This refers to sex outside the context of a committed relationship. Even if the other party consents to this kind of an arrangement, our capacity for developing deep and meaningful relationships with members of the opposite sex is weakened. Such recreational sex is usually fueled by the fires of self-indulgence and, so, must be purged from our thinking as well as behaving.

3. Gluttony: Overindulgence in food and/or mood-altering chemicals is a sign that we are living more on a physical than spiritual level — although in some people this has become an illness over which they have no control. Nonetheless, Alcoholics Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous emphasize spiritual renewal as a way back to health and sanity.

4. Jealousy: By lusting after the possessions of another, we erect a wall between ourselves and them. Also, materialism spawns many of our envious desires, and materialism is usually a form of greed.

5. Greed: Whether or not we legitimately earn wealth is not the issue in condemning greed. Greed means wanting more than we need and refusing to share with others. This only worsens our unrelated desiring, causing us misery.

6. Ambition: It is one thing to strive to better ourselves, but quite another to be compulsively driven to do so — especially at the expense of others. Ambition becomes a pitfall when it moves us to be manipulative and oppressive as we pursue our goals.

7. Laziness: This is the opposite of ambition, but is equally destructive to the human spirit because it allows our talents to stagnate from disuse. By refusing to develop and utilize our potential, we deny ourselves the energy and respect that come from engaging in the movement of life. The consequent apathy an&inertia are counter-spiritual.

8. Self-righteousness: An overvaluing of our opinions and self-regard lead to an inflexible righteousness. This is one of the most insidious forms of selfishness because it robs us of openness to changing other destructive behaviors. Jesus had some of his greatest difficulties with self-righteous people.

9. Self-pity: Occasions for legitimate grief and anger can lead to self-pity if we allow them to rob us of a renewed effort to engage ourselves in life. Self-pity is usually based on a sense of deservingness that is proud and narrow-minded. At any rate, it is always counterproductive.

Any of the above or combinations thereof cause mental fragmentation and factions among people. They retard our thought process and divide us from ourselves and from one another. Unless we learn to move away from these kinds of practices toward more healthy and meaningful behaviors and thought patterns, we shall never achieve the kind of internal unity that is a prerequisite for building unity among people.

At this stage in our renewal, our main concern should be that we recognize selfish behavior as leading only to very short-term pleasure and long-term pain. In the Steps that follow, we shall undertake a process for growing out of selfishness into spiritual fullness. But unless we are absolutely convinced that the life we want to save is destroying us and our world, we will not be able to properly appreciate God's way to life revealed in Jesus Christ.

Personal Reflection

In order to identify the ways in which selfishness disrupts your own spiritual growth, you will need to spend some time examining your behavior and motivations. Many people have found that writing a journal is a helpful means to reflect upon life. You might also consider using questions such as those which follow to help you get in touch with your own selfishness.

1. What occasions most often provoke you to anger? What expectations of yours are violated at that time? How do you generally express your anger? How does this affect others?

2. Do you encourage sexually irresponsible fantasies in your mind? How does this affect your relationships with people of the opposite sex?

3. Do you maintain a proper diet with regard to food and drink? How do your eating and/or drinking habits affect your health? Your relationships with others?

4. How do you treat the people with whom you work on a professional level? Have you ever manipulated others in order to advance yourself and your interests? If so, does it now seem to have been worthwhile in terms of spiritual growth?

5. Is procrastination a problem for you? Have you allowed relationships once important to you to lapse because of laziness? What kinds of tasks necessary for your spiritual growth have you put off lately?

6. What do you most envy in other people? How does this affect your relationships with them? Would you really be better off if you obtained the object of your envy?

7. If you have been guilty of self-pity, think back on what occasioned it. Have you worked through these feelings? How does self-pity affect your relationship with others?

8. Which opinions of yours do you find it hardest to change? Are you open to constructive criticism from others? Why? (Why not?) Are you open to ongoing conversion, or do you feel as though you have "arrived" at spiritual growth?

9. Draw a symbol or picture that represents to you what living a life of selfishness does to you. Place this illustration where you will see it regularly to remind you of the kind of life you are rejecting.

Group Discussion

I. What is the difference between selfishness and self-love?
2. How does selfishness frustrate the desire for pleasure, esteem, and security? Share some examples from your own life.
3. Share some of your responses to the personal reflection questions above. (Share only those you feel free to discuss.)
4. How do laws help people to live together more peacefully? How adequate are laws in curbing human selfishness?

Jesus was the greatest psychologist who ever lived. Long before Freud, he understood that human behavior is ultimately rooted in our vision of ourselves and reality. "A good man produces good from his store of goodness; an evil man produces evil from his evil store," he tells us, adding: "I assure you, on judgment day people will be held accountable for every unguarded word they speak" (Matthew 12:35-36). Aligning our behavior in conformity with love will require that we come to think the way Jesus thinks &emdash; to see the world the way God sees it. Spiritual reading and study can contribute to this process, but prayer and meditation are indispensable.

If we are to become new persons, we must not only put to death old ways of thinking but also put on a new mind. "Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind," wrote Saint Paul in Romans 12:2. Spot-checks and consciousness examen inventories can help us identify what is going on in our minds; prayer and meditation reshape our minds according to the mind of Christ.

Most people recognize the value of prayer, but too few people practice it faithfully. "I don't need to take prayer time because my life itself is a prayer" goes one popular excuse. "People don't need to pray; all that's important is that we do good" goes another. However, many of the spiritual geniuses saw things in a completely different way. They did not value prayer because it helped them to do good works, but saw prayer as the more valuable end which good works helped to deepen. They valued prayer as the most important discipline in their lives; they prayed daily.

Private prayer

"Prayer is lifting up the mind and heart to God," states an ancient definition. The evangelists often call attention to the many times when Jesus took time alone to lift his mind and heart to the Father. If Jesus, the begotten Son of God, found such a need for prayer in his life, how much more do we need to pray?

There are many books and pamphlets suggesting different ways to pray. We will have to discover the style that is right for us as individuals, of course. But it is doubtful that we will ever experience the benefits of prayer if we seek it with the wrong attitude.

Many people approach prayer as though they hope, through their prayer, to arouse a sleeping and indifferent God. Spiritually mature people maintain that it is the other way around: We pray because a loving God, who is eager to communicate with us, wants to arouse us out of our spiritual sleep and indifference. Prayer is God's idea. The attitude we should bring to prayer is one of being present to a God who is already present to us. Only then will the following suggestions on how to pray make any sense.

1. Solitude: "Whenever you pray, go to your room, close your door, and pray to your Father in private," commanded Jesus in Matthew 6:6. There is indeed much to be said for communal prayer, but private prayer cannot be replaced by any other activity. We must go some place where we can be alone and undisturbed; being alone with God is what is meant by solitude in prayer.

2. Silence: "In your prayers do not rattle on like the pagans. They think they will win a hearing by the sheer multiplication of words" (Matthew 6:7). Prayer time should be quiet time. Any words and sentiments exchanged with God are done in the context of silence.

3. Time: Jesus spent entire nights in prayer; few of us can last fifteen minutes. Any time spent in prayer is probably better than no time at all, but it is doubtful that inner silence and a receptive listening to God's Word can take root in less than twenty minutes. Prayer time should also be prime time. Do not wait until you are tired and sleepy, for example, because it will be difficult to lift your mind and heart to God.

4. Eliminating distractions. Most people come to prayer with their minds filled with all sorts of thoughts and feelings, much of which is little more than mental static. Telling God what you're thinking and feeling is one way to clear your mind; deep breathing and repeating a calming word such as "Jesus" or "Abba" is another way to clear up the static. Still, distractions are not easy to eliminate, no matter what approach is used. Few people succeed at this discipline completely, so you should not be discouraged if a bit of distraction lingers all through prayer time. Be patient with yourself here; simply call your mind back to God whenever it strays. Saint Francis de Sales believed that this in itself is a valuable practice.

5. Listening: You pray because you have something to say to God and he has something to say to you. But if you do all the talking, you shall never hear his word. After quieting your mind somewhat, read a short passage from Scripture and take it as being written just for you. Use your imagination to recreate the scene if possible.

6. Reflecting/meditating. After reading a passage from Scripture (or from a spiritual book), ask yourself: What is this passage saying to me about God? about my life? These and other questions should be pondered during meditation time. Keep at this process until you have exhausted the passage of its meaning (for the time being, at least). Then jot down a few notes in your journal for later examination.

7. Acts of thanksgiving, petition, and sorrow. This movement may be more natural for you early on during your prayer period. The timing is not really all that important. Thanking God for gifts bestowed and asking help in time of need come naturally to everyone, but it is less easy to make acts of sorrow. So tell God here that you are sorry for the many times you have failed to love him properly. You should also pray for yourself and others and for peace on earth. In the words of Saint Alphonsus: "Prayer can do everything. What we cannot do by our own strength, we can do easily with the help of God obtained through prayer."

8. Acts of adoration: If you feel moved to spend time praising and adoring God, be thankful for this very great grace. Loving God with your whole heart, mind, and soul is an experience you can sometimes enjoy during prayer. Be open to this contemplative grace, for prayer of worship is not just for mystics only. God wants everyone to pray in this manner. These acts of adoration plant God's seeds of love deep within the heart; and those seeds will produce a hundredfold (see Mark 4:20) because they have fallen on fertile soil. Saint Augustine claimed that prayer of adoration was the greatest joy a human being could experience. You must not leave the face of this earth until you know what he was talking about.

If you set aside a regular time to practice the essentials of prayer discussed so briefly above, you will surely become more consciously aware of God's presence in your life. You will walk about in this turbulent world with a quiet place in your heart to conquer the temptations and absorb the emotional shocks that come your way each day. Your emotional life will become more stabilized; you will experience inner freedom as never before. God's will for you will become more apparent, and the power to live out an obedient response will be given you.

Communal prayer

Many of the foregoing elements of private prayer can be experienced in communal worship. Most services center around the hearing of God's Word; there is a minister who leads the reflection on the Word; time is allotted for petitions and prayers of thanksgiving; often too, there is time given for adoring God in silence. Both private and communal prayer are necessary for spiritual nourishment.

When you pray together in community you recognize the value of your shared life in Christ. God, after all, is Trinity, and the most important goal of love is community. A Christian without a community is like a fish out of the water: Such a one drowns. In community you experience a small taste of what God's kingdom is like: You leave the world behind for a little while to make love more real for yourself and others. Your prayer in community is, therefore, very important, helping you to become more consciously aware of God's will for you as Step 11 encourages.

Communal prayer takes many forms. Most Protestant services feature singing and preaching; Pentecostal worship is affective and spontaneous; the Catholic Mass combines the Liturgy of the Word with the Liturgy of the Eucharist to celebrate the Bread of Life given and received in a daily community ceremony. In truth, all of the Catholic sacraments are prayerful celebrations of the community &emdash; each signifying a special presence of Christ with his people. In each case, communal prayer is combined with private prayer. Both enrich and deepen us in unique ways.

Group Reflection

1. How do you pray? What benefits do you experience from prayer?

2. What are some of the ways that you have found helpful in eliminating distractions during your private prayer?

3. How does communal prayer affect your private prayer and vice versa?

4. When can a person truthfully say, "My life is a prayer '?

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol &emdash; that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.