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Twelve Steps to Spiritual Wholeness
A Christian Pathway

Philip St. Romain

Originally published by Liguori Publications.

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Other books by Philip St. Romain
ISBN 0-89243-429-5
Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 91-77986
Copyright @ 1992, Liguori Publications
Printed in U.S.A.

Scripture selections taken from THE NEW AMERICAN BIBLE WITH REVISED NEW TESTAMENT, Copyright (D 1986, by the Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, Washington, D.C., are used with permission. All rights reserved.

The original Twelve Steps of AA (see Appendix 2, pages 94-95) are reprinted and adapted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. Permission to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the content of this publication, nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. AA is a program of recovery from alcoholism. Use of the Twelve Steps in connection with programs and activities which are patterned after AA but which address other problems does not imply otherwise.

The promises of Alcoholics Anonymous and the brief excerpt are reprinted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Contents

Introduction

1. Admitting Our Powerlessness

2. Trusting in a Higher Power

3. Centering in God

4. Knowing Ourselves

5. Admitting Our Wrongs

6. Eliminating Character Defects

7. Letting Go, Letting God

8. Making Peace in Relationships

9. Making Amends and Forgiveness

10. Living One Day at a Time

11. Meeting God Through Prayer

12. Walking the Walk

Appendix One: Christian Twelve Step Groups

Appendix Two: The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

Suggested Reading on the Twelve Steps

Introduction

My first book for Liguori Publications, Becoming a New Person: Twelve Steps to Christian Growth, was published in 1984. As far as I know, it was the first book that adapted the Twelve Steps to a specifically Christian spirituality. Since then, I have gone on to publish other books with Liguori, and a plethora of works on the Twelve Steps - many from a Christian viewpoint - have appeared. It would be an understatement to say that the Twelve Steps have "caught on."

When the editors of Liguorian magazine approached me about writing a yearlong series of articles on the "Twelve Steps of Spirituality," I was not surprised that they chose this topic. I was surprised, however, that they were asking me to write these articles. My initial response was to suggest that they serialize Becoming a New Person. But Father Allan Weinert, the editor-in-chief, would hear nothing of this. He challenged me to think of a way to develop the Steps without focusing specifically on recovery from addiction and without merely rehashing my earlier book.

After some thought, I concluded that I indeed had more to say about the Steps since writing Becoming a New Person. I already believed that the relevance of the Steps went beyond the addiction and recovery movement. But I didn't want to do as many other authors have done - write the same book in two or three different ways under different titles. I do not believe that is the case with Twelve Steps to Spiritual Wholeness: A Christian Pathway.

So, what's different about this book?

Well, first of all, I'm eight years older and, hopefully, wiser than when I wrote Becoming a New Person. During those eight years, I have participated in hundreds of therapy groups and presented scores of workshops and retreats on the Twelve Steps throughout the country. I believe these experiences have contributed to a deeper understanding of the human condition and the role the Steps play in helping us lead a better life.

Second, Twelve Steps to Spiritual Wholeness develops the psychological dimension of the spiritual journey more fully than the previous book. It points out the dynamics of shame, resentment, and fear more specifically. It also describes more fully the workings of the false-self system, which would have us become okay by doing the "right things." Becoming a New Person, on the other hand, takes a more theological approach, speaking of sin, grace, salvation, the seven deadly sins, cardinal virtues, supernatural virtues, and other themes found in the mystical wisdom of the Church. The theological approach, while not totally absent, is given less prominence in Twelve Steps to Spiritual Wholeness. In that sense, then, most people will probably find their experiences better named in this book.

For those reasons, Twelve Steps to Spiritual Wholeness and Becoming a New Person can be viewed as companion works for helping Christians use the Twelve Steps as a pathway to the abundant life that Jesus promised us. (See John 10: 10.)

How to Work With the Twelve Steps

We can approach the Twelve Steps from a philosophical/ theological standpoint, searching for what they imply about human nature and locating parallel themes in Christianity. These implications and themes are then compared with a psychological or therapeutic approach to transformation. This approach has merit. More discussion of it needs to take place in the Church if we are to use the Twelve Steps in a Christian context. As things stand, far too much distinction is made between spirituality and religion. Christianity, being a religion, and the Twelve Steps, presenting itself as a spirituality, ate often compared and contrasted with each other. Although many Christians have embraced the Steps as a way to live the Christian spiritual life, they generally find themselves speaking a different language about spirituality than Christians who are not explicitly working the Steps. My own view is that the Church needs to use the Twelve Steps as a way to help people grow spiritually. On the other hand, people working the Steps need to hear what the Church has to say about human nature and the spiritual journey. Without sound teaching, the spiritual journey cannot go very far. Without a spirituality of conversion, however, there will be no one interested in the teaching.

The second way to approach the Twelve Steps, the one adopted in this book, is to use them as a way to grow. We might call this an existential response to the Steps. This response involves working the Steps and so coming to the wisdom that can only be found through experience. The existential approach sees the Steps as a guide to the spiritual life, spelling out in systematic fashion the work that must be done to break free from negative and sinful influences in our lives. By doing this work, we come, as Step Twelve promises, to a spiritual awakening, an awareness of our true self in God, and we know what it means to be fully human.

The best way to work the Steps is in the context of a small peer-support group of people who are motivated to grow. Appendix One provides a format for Christian Twelve Step groups. If such a group is not available, then get with a friend and start one! Failing that, I suggest that you attend one of the many kinds of Twelve Step group meetings found throughout the country. Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, Overeaters Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and Codependents Anonymous meetings can be found in almost all medium-sized towns. If you've never been to such a meeting, call and find out when an open meeting is scheduled. Go to at least ten meetings before forming a judgment about what's going on.

It is also helpful to work the Steps under the guidance of someone experienced in spiritual matters. This is the value of the sponsor in Twelve Step groups and of the spiritual director in Christian spirituality. Such a person is not a guru or someone who will tell you what to do. He or she is a sounding board or soul companion on the spiritual journey. This is a person with whom you can share your formal Step work, someone who can suggest good reading materials, maybe even someone to give you feedback about how they perceive your behavior. It is difficult to go very far without such a friend, but, sadly, many attempt to travel the spiritual way without one. Much of the resistance to seeking this guidance comes from the proud ego, which wants to work the Steps "my way."

If you cannot find a group or a companion for the journey right away, it will still be of value to begin working the Steps on your own. Just do keep asking, searching, and knocking on the doors of the Spirit for the gift of self-honesty. Honesty is something the ego knows nothing about, and it is very difficult to learn by oneself. So keep looking for a group of some kind and for a spiritual companion to help you grow in honesty.

Initially, I suggest that people go through the Steps one at a time, doing some kind of formal reflection to learn the lessons of that Step. After going through all the Steps, it will be obvious that some of them are worked on occasion, while others are reference points for daily living. Eventually, it will become clear that the Twelve Steps are essential for staying properly focused in the spiritual journey. It takes time, however (at least two years), to learn to use the Steps as a rhythm for daily living. Give yourself this time. The blessing will be yours!

STEP ONE

We admitted we were powerless over [sin] - that our lives had become unmanageable.

It seems everywhere we go these days, we hear people talking about the Twelve Steps or "The Program." Some social commentators have called Twelve Step groups the most significant spiritual movement in the twentieth century.

The primary reason for the popularity of the Twelve Steps is that more people than ever are being exposed to them through addiction-treatment programs. In a medium-sized city like Baton Rouge, Louisiana, where I formerly practiced, more than a thousand families participate in professional treatment programs each year. Virtually all addiction therapists recommend follow-up participation in a Twelve Step group for their clients. If you multiply the Baton Rouge experience by the number of other cities providing treatment services, you get hundreds of thousands of people becoming familiar with the Twelve Steps each year.

Make no mistake, there is nothing magical about the Steps. They simply list in a systematic way the work we must do to allow God to work more fully in our lives. But it is precisely this breaking things down into small achievable goals that constitutes the great value of the Steps. These Steps give us a "handle" on the spiritual life.

The key to the entire Twelve Step program lies in Step One: We admitted we were powerless over [sin] - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Most people working the Twelve Steps have identified some compulsion that causes problems for themselves and others. Usually, they tried on their own to control the compulsive behavior but never attained more than short-term success. They used their will power against it, tried "mind over matter," and prayed for help. Nothing worked!

Feeling hopeless about this enslavement, they enter a treatment program or join a Twelve Step group. There they learn that chronic addictions cannot, in fact, be controlled by one's own will. So the logical question is, if reason and will power can't correct things, what can?

The answer to this question is that where reason and will power fail, surrender and "seeing" will succeed. The spirit of Step One says, "You can't control your compulsion, so why not stop trying? See how many ways you have tried and failed. Quit pretending things aren't all that bad, that somehow you can make them better. In other words, be completely honest about what has happened in your life as a result of this compulsive behavior. Only then will you create a space within where the power of the Spirit can work."

Powerlessness and Sin

Step One presents a paradox, saying that the way to regain control of out life is to give up trying to control it - to throw in the towel and admit defeat. This doesn't make sense at first, but later it will be seen as the beginning of wisdom.

Step One has relevance beyond the addiction and recovery movement, for the power of sin creates havoc in all our lives.

These days, sin is an unpopular word connoting unhealthy guilt and shame. But the authors of the New Testament recognized sin as a power able to move us toward non-loving selfish behavior. This power worked through culture (the world), our internalized conditioning (the flesh), and preternatural spirits (the Devil). For most of us, the concrete experience of sin is our own selfishness and reluctance to relate. Who among us can deny this experience?

Another insight to be found in Scripture says that we cannot reverse our selfish tendencies by our own will. In his Letter to the Romans, Saint Paul speaks of how he wants to do good but cannot find the power to do so. A point he makes again and again is that liberation from sin does not come from keeping the law. In fact, law keepers frequently become self-righteous about their goodness and judgmental of others. Such was the case with the religious authorities who condemned Jesus to death in the name of the law.

A sinner, then, might be described as one whose life is ruled by selfishness. Using the addiction model, we would say that a sinner is one who is compulsively selfish - in other words, resistant to loving relationships. This selfish direction of the will demonstrates itself in specific acts of behavior, which we call personal sins. Most personal sins are not planned or calculated but happen compulsively when we feel threatened in some manner. However, these sins bring consequences to us and to others.

The Roots of Selfishness

Until we become consciously committed to living by the Spirit, selfishness will rule our hearts. For addicts in recovery, this truth is obvious. It is the drinking or gambling or desire to control others that ruled the heart. For those whose lives have not been torn asunder by addiction, it may be more difficult to get in touch with the toots of selfishness.

In beginning to examine your heart for evidence of selfishness, ask yourself, "What makes me tick? What do I really want out of life? What upsets me when I am denied it?"

Most of us, when reflecting on these questions, will find that our selfishness is directed toward one or more of five passions: pleasure, power, status, security, and esteem. There are legitimate ways to meet these needs, but selfishness makes them the very centers of meaning and value.

People can live years selfishly pursuing pleasure, power, status, security, and esteem. In the end, however, none of these bring happiness, for they are conditional achievements - they can be taken away at any time. Empty though they are, the world holds them out as roads to human fulfillment, and many there are who travel these roads.

Happily, God has created us in such a manner that we cannot find true happiness apart from living in the Spirit. As Saint Augustine put it, "Thou has created us for thyself, 0 Lord, and our hearts will not rest until they rest in thee." It would be wonderful if we could live this truth from the beginning of our lives until the end. Most of us, however, travel the selfish road for a while, flirting superficially with the spiritual life but never surrendering our selfish center until we grow tired of it.

The selfish road leads to broken relationships and inner emptiness. Whatever material gains we make are bracketed by anxiety, for the economy could fail and leave us with nothing.

Other consequences of selfishness are described by Saint Paul in Galatians: "... immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, rivalry, jealousy, outbursts of fury, acts of selfishness, dissensions, factions, occasions of envy, drinking bouts, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God" (5:192 1). In fact, this description sounds like the lifestyle of one in hell.

Paradoxically, it is the unhappiness of our selfish ways that can lead us to commit our lives to God in earnest. Some, it seems, must go through considerable pain before coming around; others learn by observing the consequences of selfishness experienced by others. But none among us is immune to the insidious powers of sin, and none among us has escaped from selfish tendencies.

It is no coincidence that the first beatitude taught by Jesus is "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 5:3). Who are these poor in spirit?

They are the people who know their need for God - who have learned that "their way" does not bring true happiness. This is what addiction teaches some people and what selfishness teaches all of us.

There are two types of people who realize poverty of spirit. The first are those who have been beaten up by life through social injustice, addiction, divorce, or other problems. Through these experiences, they learn their inability to control things.

The second type is the person committed to living a life of love. In the struggle to love, we discover the immensity of our selfishness and our need for the Spirit to help us overcome this selfishness.

The critical importance of poverty of spirit is that until we embrace it, the Spirit will do little to help us. If we are not poor in spirit, then we are rich in our own sense of power and self-importance. We are like the "healthy" people in the gospels whom Christ could not cure because they did not believe they were sick. (See Mark 2:17.)

We are all sick! We were created to know love, peace of mind, creative enterprise, and harmony with the earth and other creatures. But deep down inside, most of us are filled with fear, and we use selfish "fixes" to stay out of touch with this fear. The fear, however, cannot go away until we allow the Spirit entrance into our hearts.

Practicing Step One

The best way to cultivate poverty of spirit is to practice honesty. This is difficult, for it means we must get in touch with the dark side of our nature as well as our true strengths. We examine our center to see what we are living for. We note the consequences to ourselves and others that come from this center. We pay attention to out thinking process and trace our thoughts to our deepest desires. We acknowledge our selfishness, and we see how fear motivates us to this selfishness.

Reflecting in this way, we begin to bring the darkness in our hearts into the light where it can be healed. This process can be painful, but it is a sweet pain, and there is new life within it.

It is good to work the Steps with others. Sharing your first step with a group, a spiritual director, or a trusted friend is the best way to benefit from this work. If you do not have a small group to meet with, Appendix One gives instructions to help you get one started.

Questions for Reflection

1 . What makes you tick? What criteria do you usually employ when making decisions? What does this teach you about your center of meaning and value?

2. How do you experience powerlessness in your life? What kinds of problems/situations have you tried to change again and again, but to no avail? What are the consequences to you? To others?

3. How do you experience selfishness in your life? How have you tried to reverse your selfish behavior? Have these strategies been successful?

4. If you could change anything about yourself, what would you most like to change? Why?

 

APPENDIX ONE

 Christian Twelve Step Groups

 I recommend that the group designate a facilitator to assure that the meeting stays focused and follows the suggested format. Two people can share the role of facilitator, rotating the duties from one month to the next.

Each meeting should last about an hour, followed by refreshments and fellowship. A suggested format is described below, with three options for handling the main part of the meeting.

- - - - - - - - - -

I. Call to Order. (The whole group meets together.) Welcome. Introductions.

II. Opening Prayer. Serenity Prayer. (Recited aloud by entire group.)

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time.
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and supremely happy with Him forever.
(Reinhold Niebuhr)

 III. The Twelve Steps. One or more group members read aloud the Twelve Steps.

IV. The middle section of the meeting may follow one of the following three formats and should be kept to about forty minutes.

 A. Step Study Option.
1. In a large-group context, a teaching on how to live one of the steps might be held, followed by open discussion in the large group.
2. Another option is small-group sharing based on focus questions provided by the presenter.
 B. Discussion Meeting Option.
1. In a large-group setting, read the gospel for the coming Sunday.
2. Break into groups of four to ten to discuss the following:
a. What kinds of principles do you hear the gospel emphasizing? How do you relate these to the Twelve Steps?
b. Which of the Twelve Steps have you been working with lately? How is this affecting your life?
c. Open discussion: What would you like to hear from other group members about living the Christian life or working the Twelve Steps?
d. Wrap-up: (five minutes). When the facilitator announces time for wrap-up, members begin to close group by asking, "At this meeting, I have learned or re-learned...."
C. Book Study Option.
 Read a chapter of Twelve Steps to Spiritual Wholeness aloud together and discuss the questions at the end of the chapter in groups of four to ten. If members know in advance that this will be the format, they will be able to reflect on the questions before the meeting and come prepared to discuss them.

 V. Prayer. In a large-group setting, join hands and say the Lord's Prayer.

 VI. Announcements. Time and place of next meeting, individuals needing help, and so forth.

 VII. Refreshments and Fellowship.

 

APPENDIX TWO

The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

1 1. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

(The Twelve Steps are reprinted and adapted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. Permission to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the content of this publication, nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. AA is a program of recovery from alcoholism. Use of the Twelve Steps in connection with programs and activities which are patterned after AA but which address other problems does not imply otherwise.)

 

Suggested Reading on the Twelve Steps

Alcoholics Anonymous. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 1953.

Friends in Recovery Staff. The Twelve Steps - A Spiritual Journey: A Working Guide Based on Biblical Teachings. San Diego, CA: Recovery Publications, Inc., 1988.

___________________. The Twelve Steps - A Way Out: A Working Guide for Adult Children From Addictive and Other Dysfunctional Families. San Diego, CA: Recovery Publications, Inc., 1989.

Hetnfelt, Robert, Ph.D., and Fowler, Richard, Ph.D. Serenity: A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, Inc., 1980.

May, Gerald, G., M.D. Addiction and Grace. San Francisco: Harper San Francisco, 1988.

St. Romain, Philip. Becoming a New Person: Twelve Steps to Christian Growth. Liguori, MO: Liguori Publications, 1984.

______________. Freedom From Codependency: A Christian Response. Liguori, MO: Liguori Publications, 1991.