Philip St. Romain
ORIGIN OF THE FALSE SELF
1. Perception of a conditionally loving developmental
- a. Body-feeling perception. Feeling
rejected or conditionally accepted and loved.
- b. Splitting of feeling self into
natural/wounded elements. Experience of fear, shame, hurt'.
2. Defensive contraction of psychic
energy away from unconditional relationship with the environment by
contracting the will.
- a. Decreases vulnerability to
- b. Provides sense of existence of
psychic energy that "belongs to me," "is mine," within "walls" of
contraction. Provides sense of a "me-they-can't touch, or hurt."
Beginning of the delusion of non-relational autonomy, and the
deepest level of the False Self system. Origin of relational
alienation, willfulness, sin.
- b. Diminishes experience of "natural"
union with the Divine, Who is the true Source of all energy and
3. Internalization of unhealthy rules
from the environment; development of a Critical Parent system of
- a. It's not OK to talk about
- b. Feelings should not be expressed
openly and directly.
- c. Communication is best if indirect,
with one person acting as messenger between two others
- d. Unreasonable expectations: always be
happy, be strong, be perfect, be in control of your
- e. You are responsible for how others
feel ("make us proud").
- f. Don't be selfish (which includes even
- g. Do as I say, not as I do (unhealthy
- h. It's not OK to play or be
- i. Don't rock the boat. Peace at any
- (Robert Subby, Lost in the
4. Disempowerment of Adult system of
intelligence (reason, freedom).
- a. Dialectical relationship between
Critical Parent and Wounded Child. Intensity of this relationship
drains power and energy from Adult system; overshadowing of
- b. Disapproval within (from Critical
Parent) and without (from shaming aspects of developmental
environment) when powers of reason and choice are exercised
contrary to the dysfunctional rules of the Critical Parent
5. Crystallization of the False Self Ego,
or Survival System of Consciousness (occurs as early as five years of
- a. I am conditionally lovable and
- b. The conditions for getting love and
acceptance are defined by Critical Parent. These conditions spell
out the kinds of things I must do to be loved and
- c. Therefore, I will adopt a life stance
that will allow me to maximize opportunities for approval, and
minimize my experiences of disapproval.
- d. This life stance will have its center
"outside of self," in other people ', activities, things, and in
an utterly Transcendent, judgmental God.
- e. This life stance will assume a shape
in the various roles I play. My giftedness will be expressed in
the context of these roles.
- f. I will maintain myself in these roles
by using addictive fixes. These fixes keep me out of touch with my
inner emotional experiences, and keep my center "outside of