1. Caretakers
--relate to others primarily through roles that put them in a
position of the giver, helper, supporter, nurturer, etc.
“Everyone’s needs are more important than my
own.”
2. Romance~relationship addiction
--must be in a “relationship” and be “special”
to someone in order to be OK with oneself; may use caretaking and
sexuality to gain approval/acceptance; goes from relationship to
relationship.
“You’re no one unless someone loves you.”
3. Messiah complex
--savior of the family, church, world; over-responsible,
doesn’t ask for help, tries to make self indispensable.
“If I don’t do it. it won’t get done.”
Symptoms of codependency
1. External-referenced on other person or people.
2. Tries to control behavior of others through approval-seeking
and people-pleasing behavior.
3. Experiences intimacy by discounting own feelings, and
empathizing with feelings of others.
4. Loss of healthy boundaries, generally resulting from doing
things for others that violate one’s values, and from
accepting unacceptable behavior from others.
5. Frozen feelings, numbness with regard to one’s own
feelings. Depression may also result from repressed anger.
6. Low self-esteem. Self is valued according to others’
opinions. Uses martyr, victim, and messiah role to bolster
self-esteem.
7. Generalized anxiety, related to lack of control of one’s
life.
8. Mental preoccupation. Racing thoughts. Inability to enjoy
mental silence and serenity.
9. Lack of assertiveness.: inability to ask directly for
one’s true needs. Inability to confront unhealthy behavior in
others.
10. Narcissism. In the absence of healthy, legitimate boundaries,
others are seen as for or against self.
Problems often related to codependency
1. Other addictions--codependents use drugs, shopping, food,
TV to cope with feelings. The majority of addicts--even
alcoholics-- are codependents. Recovery from other addictions is
jeopardized if codependency is ignored. As long as one is
codependent, one is in the addictive process.
2. Neuroses and psychoses--mental health problems with their own
specific symptomology and dynamics may develop out of codep.
3. Physical health problems--stress reduces effectiveness of
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